Well … let’s just say that I did it because the world was supposed to end on December 21st.
I know you don’t know what I’m talking about, but trust me when I say it is not something that I would have thought possible even a few weeks ago. The whole thing is beyond surreal … and sticky and fun and addictive. The allure of it all has been virtually impossible (for me) to resist. I blame the mayans. And smirnoff. And tattoos.
Obsession has infiltrated the zen. My brain is consumed with chain-linked thoughts of that single synapse shocking connection. The only break I get from thinking about what happened is thinking about how I can replicate it again … SOON! I am as far from living in the moment as can possibly be. Part of me is addicted to and excited by the vibrations of it all. I love the day-dreamy, pulse-racing feeling. I drift through my days, smiling randomly and scheming delicious schemes. It keeps the mundane always slightly out of focus and muffles all those things that are less exciting than that one electro-charged and unexpected experience.
I’m vibrating at light speed at all times. I don’t sleep. I don’t eat. I can’t concentrate on my work. It’s not sustainable. And the truth is that … I like my zen. Or I did until a couple of weeks ago. I like living in the moment. Honestly. I like the beautiful mix of peace and excitement that fills my ordinary days. I had truly hit a state of blissful contentedness. So why then am I letting myself go down this twisty but familiar path again? Habit? Serotonin deficiency? Masochistic tendencies? I honestly don’t know.
I’m leaving in a couple of days to go spend the holidays with my family. Perhaps that will help me reset and get back to the present … give up the reminiscing and future-surfing. Just be. I have no regrets at all, but I do think it’s time to get my second chakra back in check.