I’ve been trying hard to do fall differently this year … trying to enter the season gracefully … without crossing my arms across my chest, stomping my havaianas, sticking out my bottom lip, and refusing to go. I have been trying to see it as an opportunity to move inwards. But that alone is a HUGE challenge for me … me who has a tendency to be so externally focused … always moving and always looking for a new point of light to chase (admittedly kind of like a cat with those red laser pointers). I resist the stillness of the season and allow myself to be distracted by things that keep my mind from settling. As the nights get longer, I am more vulnerable. More and more people are retreating to the warmth of their homes, homemade soup, and HBO. I am left standing alone in the dark waiting for my vampires to strike (I knew I could weave in the metaphor) … vampires that have become increasingly brave and persistent in the past few years. They have been circling for a long time. Vampires with ancient and fear-inspiring names like boredom, restlessness, and loneliness. Fall is their season. It’s when they are most powerful. I have been fending them off this year by artificially extending my days. 2 hours of yoga has turned into 4 or 2 hours of yoga plus the gym. I have signed up for a mentorship program and have booked a bunch of travel for work. All of these things keep me moving until I have no choice but to collapse into bed. I constantly poll my inner and outer circle of people to see who I can persuade to fill the evening hours with me. I will do pretty much anything. But … it’s getting harder to find people to play along and I am getting tired.
I think it’s time to plant my feet in the cool fall soil and face these creatures. They will keep coming. They have eternity on their side. I suspect that my vampires and I will come face to face in the next three weeks. My odds of surviving the encounter are as good as they will ever be. Mercury is in retrograde again. While the last cycle was brutal and harsh and destructive, this one promises to be more gentle. It’s a chance to bring clarity to things that were put in motion during the summer … to take advantage of the decelerated pace of the world and note the crucial elements that we will need to successfully navigate the coming chapter. The moon will be full next week which illuminates the things that need to be discarded … the things that no longer serve … the things that no longer fit with the core of who we are or who we want to become. So … I figure if I’m going to be battling immortal creatures of the night … I might as well do it under a full moon.
It is time to sink into fall … time to sink inwards. It’s time to focus on some of the things I’ve been running from.
PS … if you don’t hear from me soon … please come looking for me. I might be trapped in a vampire lair somewhere and in need of rescue.