Who can say?
I am currently of the sincere belief that not knowing is part of the fun.
No matter what it is … I’m guessing it’s going to reek of awesomeness and drip with gooey adventure. It will probably be painted ocean blue, sunshine yellow, and jackson pollock silver splatter. I suspect it will taste of dark stick-to-your-tongue coffee, redder than red grapefruit, and sweet green pea shoots. I expect it to whisper delicious dares directly into my ears and sing raspy lullabies straight into my heart. It will undoubtedly make me smile uncontrollably.
I’m ready for this next chapter. Ready to see what comes next. I’ve cast off so many anchors in the last couple of months that I’m barely rooted to the earth. My little girl lost / alice in wonderland syndrome has flared up again. I’m day dreaming my dreamy days away and resisting / resenting pressure to focus on the mundane. I’m having trouble keeping my head in the game and am going with that floaty vibe more than I should. I thought I was hiding all of this quite well until I met someone who pronounced me to be “100% vata” within 5 seconds of meeting me. I hadn’t even opened my mouth when he made his smart ass proclamation. My clever rebuttal? “Yeah so?!?!” (He happens to be a chinese medicine doctor / acupuncturist / western physician / herbalist with more than 30 years of experience. But what does he know anyway?!) Vata. The dosha of air and ether. The dosha of light quick movement, ungrounded and changeable energy, sensitive and acute perception. The dosha of day dreamers who cannot sleep. Alright alright. Fair enough. I did go see this guy because my insomnia is worse than it has ever been. When I close my eyes … sleep feels thousands of miles away … entire continents out of reach. So … he may have a point.
But it’s okay. It’s good. I think it’s a sign that something is about to happen. The theme that is emerging for the month of february seems to be (a slightly less vanilla version of) follow your bliss. Every article that catches my attention on Facebook, every inspirational quote I see on Instagram, every TED Talk that someone sends me seems to hint that a new path is about to emerge for me … IF I LET IT. Rebelle Society just posted 2 articles on that very topic … one about Charles Bukowski quitting his day job to become a writer and one by Jeremy Goldberg in which he reminds us to just believe and to not let our doubts corrupt our destiny. Even astrologers are saying that february is about setting a new course and about improving … improving the quality of lives we are living, the quality of our alignment with what we really want, and the quality of our communication with ourselves. It is (according to the somewhat unfortunately named Mystic Mamma) apparently a good month to “observe the mixed messages we give ourselves about what we really want, what we are willing to do, and how we are willing to show up”.
So? What comes next? Who can say? But I know it’s going to be good.
And in the meantime … just know this …
“To not have entirely wasted one’s life seems to be a worthy accomplishment … if only for myself.” ~ Charles Bukowski